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Funny Resolutions For New Year
- Start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store.
- Remember to brush teeth with bristly end of toothbrush.
- Don't eat medicine just because it looks like candy.
- Learn what the hell "resolution" means.
- Always replace the gas nozzle before driving away from the pump.
- I will always "check for paper" when leaving the restroom.
- I will try to drive closer to the speed limit.
- I will keep an extra safe distance when driving behind police cars.
- I will no longer waste my time reliving the past and instead I will spend it worrying about the future.
- I will not bore my boss with the same excuse for taking leaves. I will think of some more excuses.
- I will do less laundry and use more deodorant.
- I will avoid taking a bath whenever possible and conserve more water.
- Assure my lawyer that I will never again show up drunk at a custody hearing.
- I will give up chocolates totally. 100%. Completely. Honestly!
- I will try to figure out why I really need nine e-mail addresses.
- I will stop sending e-mails to my wife (husband).
- I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own.
- I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher.
- I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.
- I will think of a password other than "password."
- I will not tell the same story at every get together.
- Read fewer books. A little learning is a dangerous thing. Too much of it can really wreck your head.
- Watch more TV. It's very educational. Catch up on all those programs you missed down the years.
- Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my nightdress.
- Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.
